Animals Assemble
by KitsuneClouds
Summary: Since I can't write about the Avengers as humans since I'm not comfortable with it and I thought of some ideas based on my cats' behavior, I turned them all into house pets. First chapter is about Loki, based on my roommate's cat.
1. Another Damn Collar

**Animals Assemble**

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Avengers, I'd be more than a hopeless fangirl. I half-own the idea for this chapter, though.

**Chapter 1: Another Damn Collar**

The tuxedo feline scratched at his neck with his front paws, desperately trying to pry the newest symbol of ownership off of his body. It was now halfway over his head, and while it was usually easiest to get off after that, this one seemed to resize itself to fit whatever part of his body it was attached to. He brought a hind paw up to claw at the infuriating piece of material, suppressing a sigh of relief when the blasted invention finally came off of his body entirely. He glared down at the collar, scoffing at the pattern his humans had chosen this time. It was a black and white checker pattern, and while it was better than some of the others- like the pink hearts or yellow stars- it was still disgusting for any cat to be caught wearing. He gingerly groomed each of his paws and gave his head a quick scrub to make sure all of his fur was back in place before looking back to the collar. He leaned down, quickly picked it up with his canines, and began walking towards the kitchen where the humans were.

He made no big show of his accomplishment – he didn't drop it at their feet or meow about it, didn't stare at them until they noticed or anything else to get their attention. He simply leapt gracefully onto the table and unhooked his fangs from the material, patiently waiting for the humans to notice on their own. He licked at his chest, smoothing down the patch of fluffy, white fur. When his fur was perfect, he gave a yawn and twitched his tail, scanning the activity in the room.

One human, a young girl around ten years old, sat on the counter a few feet away from the table the tuxedo was perched on. The girl was happily swinging her legs as her mother mixed something in one of the larger mixing bowls beside her. Another human, a twelve-year-old boy, was digging out various ingredients from the cupboard across the room from the mother and young girl. The feline eyed the bowl as soon as the mother moved out of his way and immediately recognized it as something the humans called "cookie dough." It was gooey and odd and apparently very sweet. He brought his hind paw up to scratch his jaw as the son poured a white, powdery substance into the mixing bowl. He half-expected that to get their attention before remembering that they could only hear his movements when he had the collar on, and since that was his entire point for sitting there, they couldn't hear him anymore. The first few collars didn't have anything on them except atrocious patterns, but for some reason that the tuxedo had yet to figure out, the newest attempt had a bell on it. A _bell_. A small, annoying, jingly bit attached to an ugly strip of cloth and plastic and they expected him to leave it around his neck? Not likely.

With an inaudible sigh, the cat flopped down on the table, stretching his front paws out and curling his hind paws in. Once comfortable, he nuzzled his nose into his front leg and continued waiting for the humans to look his way.

He didn't have to wait long. The young girl finally looked towards the cat when she heard the soft scratching of his half-retracted claws against the wood tabletop.

"Mom, look! Loki took his collar off again!" the young girl said urgently, grasping her mother's arm in order to get her attention. The mother looked at the girl before looking at the cat on the table, giving a tired sigh.

"So he did. And I thought for sure he'd like that one."

Loki internally scoffed. He was a dignified feline with confidence and a god complex, and they thought he would enjoy wearing broken stripes with a noisemaker attached? Please.

"Oh, well." the mother said, shrugging her shoulders. "We can try again another time."

Loki lifted his black-and-white head to stare at the women in what most would call astonishment. He had taken off every collar they had ever placed on him- the count was up to six now- and had broken his record for how long the collar lasted- with the numbers always decreasing- and they still wanted to buy him another one? He shook his head and stood, giving a small stretch before jumping off the table. Humans were strange.

A few days later, the tuxedo knew something was up with the young girl ran into the house smiling and holding a plastic bag that read "Pet Smart." He had seen the bag and the girl's expression at the same time before, so before anyone could realize he was in the living room- which is the first room you see after opening the front door- he ran to the other end of the house. He scrambled under the bed in the son's room in a desperate attempt to avoid his embarrassing fate. After about ten minutes, things seemed to calm down. The daughter was no longer calling for Loki and the feline couldn't hear any footsteps along the hallway where the son's room was.

Poor, naïve Loki. Just as he began to creep out from underneath the bed, the daughter turned on her heels and looked down at the floor. Her eyes lit up and she beamed a smile so bright it put the sun to shame. The feline gave an irritated sigh and stalked up to the girl, accepting his torture only because he knew it wouldn't last long. He'd crawl out of the new collar in a matter of hours and maybe then the humans would finally take the hint. The young girl giggled happily as she broke open the package that held the new symbol of ownership. Loki watched with curious eyes. This one looked different than all the others. He could have sworn it had a bow attached. He lifted his head in uncharacteristic obedience and allowed the questionable material to be fastened around his neck. Once the deed was done and the girl began gushing over how cute Loki looked, he sauntered off to the bathroom to sit in front of the full-body mirror. Just as he thought, there was a bow attached to the new collar. He had seen a similar, if not identical, accessory around the son's neck when he wore an all-black outfit for a school concert. It seemed to be very formal, handsome even. The tuxedo feline decided that he liked this new adornment. It didn't make noise, it didn't irritate his neck, and it wasn't atrociously patterned or colored. It was a solid forest green color, which accented his blue-green eyes rather well. He stared in the mirror in admiration for a few minutes, thinking that maybe the humans' symbol of ownership wasn't so bad after all.


	2. No Electronics

**Animals Assemble**

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Avengers, I'd be more than a hopeless fangirl. I half-own the idea for this chapter, though.

**Lupin fan1:** Thanks! I'm glad you like it enough to follow it.

**MK123:** Thanks for following!

**A/N:** My dear Avengers fans should follow my Tumblr blogs!

Ladylokichan. tumblr. com and sympathyforloki. tumblr. com

The first is Avengers fangirling and my randomness, the second is those who feel bad for Loki and his situation.

One more thing. This chapter was based on my cats, who _always_ try to lay on my laptop and end up ruining whatever I'm working on.

**Chapter 2: No Electronics**

The Bengal tiger tabby suppressed yet another irritated sigh as the human typed away on her laptop. How dare she pay more attention to a glowing box with keys on it than to him? How dare said glowing box obey the human's every will? The tabby wasn't sure which one he was more jealous of, but he had to put an end to this madness.

He casually leapt onto the bed where the human sat and walked up to her. She was about fifteen years of age, and the tabby decided that that must have something to do with her constant use of the laptop. But that didn't matter – her attention would soon be diverted. He sauntered up to her side and nudged her arm with his nose. She shook her arm in an attempt to shoo him away but didn't bother looking at him. Whatever she was doing was clearly more important than her cat, and that was clearly a huge problem. The tabby pressed his nose into the underside of her forearm until her arm lifted, allowing him to crawl under it and into her lap. The girl simply raised her arms a bit to type around the cat. Said cat circled his human's lap a few times before plopping down and getting comfortable. He kept his back legs tucked into his body and draped a front paw over the pillow he created out of the girl's arm. The girl paused to look at him and sigh before going back to her electronic world. The tabby began purring and nuzzling his face into the human's elbow, a trick he had learned that human girls can't resist. They seemed to find it "adorable" and would stop whatever they were doing to pay attention to the cat. The girl sighed again and couldn't help but smile at the troublesome tabby in her arms. Between the purring, the nuzzling, and the lack of circulation in her right arm, there was no way she would get her story done.

"Dammit, Stark. You always try to divert my attention. Can't you see I'm writing?" the girl whined, though still smiling. Stark continued purring and rubbing, shifting his body so that his stomach was visible. The girl gave in completely and ran a hand along the striped fur, causing the volume of the purr to rise noticeably.

"Well, I hate to disturb you, but now that I'm taking a break, I'm gonna head to the kitchen." the girl decided, patting the cat's lower back as a gesture that he needed to move. He refused, and ended up being picked up and set aside. He watched the girl go with some annoyance; he had gotten so comfortable! No matter, though. It was time to see what was so damn great about the glowing box with the keys.

He sniffed at it. It didn't smell very good.

He licked the edge. It didn't taste very good, either.

He swatted at it. Damn, that thing was hard!

He rubbed his head on it. The edge made a nice head scratcher.

He then decided to lay on it. Oooh, it was so warm…

Little did he know that he was pressing several keys while doing this, thus destroying the human's "story."

The girl came back about ten minutes later and instantly wore an expression of panic and anger.

"Stark!" she cried. The tabby simply lifted his head. He liked this piece of technology, and simply figured that the girl was jealous that he had taken it over. Until he was rather harshly booted from his resting place by hurried hands.

"Oh, Stark, you ruined my story!" the girl moaned. She went about clicking and typing, deleting this and closing that. Stark had managed to open about seven different computer programs due to his paw scratching the track pad, and the weight of his eight pound body pressed nearly every key on the keyboard, typing random, incoherent words into the word document that the girl had been working in and opening even more programs via shortcuts.

While the hysterical teenager set about trying to fix her cat's mess, said cat sat beside her and watched everything. He hadn't really realized what he had opened or modified – all he cared was that the glowing electronic thing was warm and comfy.

And that it made a good head scratcher.


	3. Homework Buddy

**Animals Assemble**

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Avengers, I'd be more than a hopeless fangirl. I half-own the idea for this chapter, though.

**Lupin fan1:** When my cat does it and he's sitting next to me I can ignore it (though it messes up what I'm doing). It's when he lays on me and looks all cute and lovey that I can't ignore him.

**Glambertcello:** Thanks for the review and thanks for following!

**Irishlovatic:** Thanks for following!

**A/N:** I noticed that my main pet owners are always girls. I apologize. I'll add boys too, but for the most part I can only see girls naming their pets after the Avengers or reading to them. I know boys do too but it just feels less likely. I'll add boy owners soon.

Also, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but the computer restarted itself and the program had autosaved it before when I just had the title and 'Thank you's written and decided not to save this time after I had written most of the damn chapter. So it's not as awesome as it was originally meant to be.

One more thing, since I briefly explain how I got the idea for the chapter. Captain's from an earlier time than everyone else so he knows more history. My cats don't do this; they hate when I do homework. But it works.

**Chapter 3: Homework Buddy**

The yellow Labrador stared in interest at the large book on his human's lap. On the cover- the only part he could actually see- were pictures of sculptures and a giant, triangular building. He couldn't read the words on the cover, but whatever the book was about had the human's full attention. He nudged his owner's knee with his nose, causing her to look up at him with a raised eyebrow. He stood on his hind legs and placed his front paws on the leg supporting the book in an attempt to see its contents. The girl laughed and patted her other leg- the one that didn't have a text book on it- as a gesture for her dog to join her. The Lab's curiosity got the better of him and he leapt rather gracelessly onto her lap. He circled the small space next to the human's leg a few times before plopping down and resting his front paws on her thigh. He leaned in close to the book, intrigued by the seemingly endless line of words. The girl watched her dog's expression and decided to read aloud.

"'Egyptians believed that their king ruled even after his death. He had an eternal life force, or _ka_, which continued to take part in the governing of Egypt.'" the teenager read, adding, "You really like this stuff, don't you, Captain?"

The Lab gave a bark of approval, his tail whipping back and forth on the blanket beneath him. He nudged the page with his nose, trying to tell the human to keep reading. The girl laughed and complied.

"'Since kings expected to reign forever, their tombs were even more important than their palaces. For the kings of the Old Kingdom, the resting place after death was an immense structure called a pyramid.'"(1) She paused to turn to the cover of the book and pointed to the giant, triangular building that Captain had looked at before. "That's a pyramid."

Captain barked again, enjoying the lessons. He had learned what history was and had taken a severe liking to it. He enjoyed hearing about the past and all the things that happened, even if he didn't really understand any of it. But this pyramid thing looked really cool, and though he wasn't quite sure what an Egyptian was, it sounded cool, too.

The human girl laughed again at the incredibly contented look upon her dog's face. She didn't even know dogs _could_ look so happy.

"If you think pyramids are cool, you should let me tell you about the mummification process."

(1) I got all of this from my history text book, word for word - World History: Patterns of Interaction.

Alright, your turn. I believe the next chapter will be about Black Widow and disappearing objects. I have two title options and I want to know which one's better.

1. Mysterious Disappearances

2. Disappearing Accessories


End file.
